In the Garden

Last night at St. John's Maundy Thursday Worship and Agape meal, we embodied the story of Jesus' last night with his disciples. We shared in a meal and communion, remembering the last supper. We washed one another's feet, remembering how Jesus became the servant washing the feet of those he loved, telling them that they were to serve one another. Then we processed outside into the sanctuary where the Eucharistic elements, representing Christ were placed in an altar space created to be the garden. We read the story of how Jesus moved away from his disciples to pray, asking them to stay awake with him. And we read his desperate prayer: ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.’

In these moments, I thought about the people I have loved who have been lost in death. I thought of my grandmother and my mentor Dari Gibbs. I thought of my friend Lori, who has recently been moved to hospice care. And I felt I was there with Jesus and his friends. I understood their grief and fear and love in a way I never have before.

Lori's husband recently shared about her move into hospice care and this time of goodbyes. He wrote, "My sense is that the miracle will come – not as we hoped, but by the grace of God – when God opens His arms and welcomes Lori home. Then she will be set free from the pain and the struggles that have been so much a part of her life for the past few years. She is a woman of great faith, and there is absolutely no doubt that when she leaves us, she goes to God. I’m so grateful to God to have had the time. I think of those who suddenly lose someone they love, and I think that must be so much more difficult. Lori and I, as well as our children, have had the time to speak from our hearts about what we hold in the depths of our hearts."

So, I sat in the garden with Jesus, and I thought of Lori. I felt amazed and blessed by the miracle of having time with the ones we love before they go. How it is both beautiful and heart-breaking at once. I understood Jesus' prayer in a new way. No longer did I think he feared the physical pain that was to come. But instead his anguish arose out of leaving these friends who he adored, the people who were a part of himself. He prayed, not out of doubt, but out of grief and love, wishing only that there could be more time. More time to laugh and tell stories around a dinner table, more time to share dreams and fears, more time to teach and question, more time to hold one another.

This holy week is an invitation for us to stay awake. To be fully present with Christ and with those around us who we love. This time in the garden is a time to share our hope and our grief. A chance to realize how very blessed we are to be together in community. Today, I am remembering the deep truth that every moment we share is a miracle.

What is Home?

Like with most major holidays the days leading up to Easter will be filled with thousands of people traveling home for the happy holiday. I myself was fortunate enough to return to Marin from school in San Diego. This pilgrimage that so many of us make any number of times in a year made me consider what home truly means. For me home is not simply made up of a structure in which I sleep or familiar surroundings of material things. Home is defined by the people who create the environment around us. The beauty of this definition is that home is not simply confined to our familial ties, with this definition home is opened up to include those who we choose to include as our family, as our most special. What's more is that I believe you can find "home" wherever you go. The solace that we typically identify with home can be brought to us by those who are most important to us, and it can be brought to us in any situation or environment, regardless if we are thousands of miles away from our familial "home".
This concept of home brings me to reflecting on what I feel is a much larger theme of lent as a whole: importance.

The time of lent offers us a chance to specifically contemplate aspects of our lives. The pervasive "giving up" of lent in itself often offers people an opportunity to reflect. If we allow ourselves to take full advantage of this lenten period we can welcome Easter with a better understanding of ourselves including what is most important to us. Thanks to Katie Trinter I was recently offered the chance to consider what I would do if I knew it was my last week on Earth. With Easter so close this consideration was very appropriate and challenged me to truly contemplate. For me a final week would not be filled with ostentatious trips or adrenaline pumped "bucket list" items; if I had one week left to spend on Earth I would surround each and every day with those who mean the most to me. The further consideration of who those people would be also became very telling and eye-opening for me. This question of how I would spend my final week has stayed with me for the past few days and while certain activities may change every time I consider it, the feeling of home surrounded by the people I love remains the same. I prompt you to spend some time this holy week considering how you would spend your remaining week on Earth if you knew it would be your last.

Human Love vs. God's Love

You love someone in a way you connect when you look in each other’s eyes. There is a spark you feel when you touch the other person that gives you goose bumps. You have this relationship you want to build between each other. Where you and the other person has things in common: outdoors: hiking, biking, snowboarding, bowling, church, and kayaking. When you find things like that it makes loving someone much easier. Sometimes it might take a while to let someone in. Once you do have that trust with that person you love, you can do anything together like climb the golden gate bridge, bungee jump off a bridge, go sky diving, and jump off a helicopter in to a cave.

In a way god has showed us how in the bible. In the first commandment he says to "honor your father and mother". In the Deuteronomy 5:16 "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you". So when the lord has commanded you to this of what he has asked you should obey. Then the lord will know that you love him in return. Prov.17: 17 say, “A friend loves at all times.” Prov.18: 24 say, “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Prov.27: 6 say, “When a friend rebukes you, that rebuke can be trusted.” Prov.27: 9 says, “The pleasantness of having a friend springs from his earnes counsel.” Prov.27: 10 say, “Do not forsake your friend.” God can see that he wants us to make friendships with others that we don't show a lot of affection. In John 4:7-12 God's life-giving love, then, is the theme of this passage. As John develops this theme, he makes three important points: God is the source of all love (4:7-8); God models what genuine love is (4:9-10); and God commands us to love each other (4:11-12). Now you can see how God loves us and how we love.